


Homesick.

by al_amor



Category: Legacies - Fandom
Genre: F/F, Sad, the ending is... ambiguous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 07:38:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18464452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/al_amor/pseuds/al_amor
Summary: Penelope’s in Belgium. She fucking hates it.orJosie and Penelope are both hurting over her leaving.





	Homesick.

**Author's Note:**

> homesick by dua lipa,,, is the reason   
> u should listen while u read.

Josie hasn’t left her room in days. Well, it was Penelope’s room. Still hers even in her absence. Just like Josie. Her eyes would trace the four walls, until she memorized everything about it.

 

The crack in the far window, it had occurred one late night during a study date, Josie had too-enthusiastically pushed Penelope against it to kiss her. When the glass broke, Penelope just laughed against her and pulled her into a deeper kiss. 

 

She knew how many thumbtack holes were in the wall by her door. Eight. Four on each side. They had held up pictures of things Penelope held most dear to her. Her family, her dog and cat, and hamster that not many knew she had, and of course, pictures of Josie. Those, photos taken in the intimate and candid moments they had shared together, stayed up even after the break up. 

 

The bookshelf, that held Penelope’s favorite books in alphabetical order, her small and meaningful momentos from various adventures, and of course all the presents Josie had showered her with, now sat bare. Collecting dust. Josie ran her finger over it, turning over her palm to see her clean skin now tainted gray by the dirt. 

 

She sat back on the bed, her hands smoothening the comforter under her. She remembered the countless times she and Penelope laid here, cuddled under the blankets, letting the world pass by while they watched their favorite shows. It was her favorite pastime. A soft and snuggly Penelope Park, donned in her glasses she never let see the light of day besides in her room, with open arms and a soft smile awaiting her arrival into the bed to shower her with love, affection and all the affirmation Josie could possibly need. 

 

But she wasn’t here anymore. 

 

And Josie was left to pick up the pieces of her broken heart and pray that it resembled what it used to be once she finally glued the pieces back together. 

 

— — 

 

Penelope huffed, spent after a long day of meeting new people and torturing herself through meaningless conversations about even more meaningless topics. The Belgian boarding school had greeted her with open arms, however they weren’t the arms Penelope longed to be embraced by. Her fingers fiddled with the necklace around her neck. A simple gold chain with an amethyst stone, held in wire bent and spun in a way to resemble a small flame. 

 

Josie had given it to her after their six month anniversary.  _ Because you set my heart on fire _ , Josie had said, smiling brightly. 

 

Penelope clenched her jaw at the thought, fighting the tears that threatened to spill.  _ No _ , she had to be  _ strong _ . If not for herself, then for Josie. When she heard the door open, she wiped her tears quickly, sucking in a deep breath as she watched in silence as her roommate walked in with friends, grabbing a few things and leaving again without a goodbye to Penelope. When the door closed shut, and the room fell back into darkness, Penelope let herself lose the battle to her tears, feeling the hot tears fall down her face freely. 

 

While she had prided herself on being strong and reserved, leaving Josie had taken every ounce of strength within her. Reducing her to nothing but a hurt soul and a broken heart. She opened her journal— her real one— and looked over the dates from when she and Josie had started dating. 

 

_ Josie took me out to a karaoke bar. I can’t sing for shit, but to her smile that wide again, I’ll sing until my vocal chords deteriorate.  _

 

-

 

_ Today, Josie asked me to be her girlfriend. It was unexpected, but not unwelcome. She drives me crazy in the best way possible. I think she’s the one.  _

 

_ - _

 

_ Josie and I made love for the first time, just after our dance in the rain. It was the most loved I’d ever felt. I have a big reputation for being a temptress but Josie was my first time— and she was all I’d ever imagined.  _

 

_ I think I’m in love with her.  _

 

_ Scratch that. I  _ _ know _ _ I’m in love with her.  _

 

Her tear falls onto the paper, seeping in and spreading the old ink. She doesn’t bother to rub it away, it would only ruin the pages. She flips ahead a few. 

 

_ Josie ditched me again. For Lizzie. Apparently she and Hope got in another petty cat fight and she had a breakdown. I keep saying it’s okay, because that’s her sister. But I’m worried it’s always going to be like this.  _

 

_ I still haven’t told her I love her. It’s been five months.  _

 

_ - _

 

_ Josie left our date to tend to Lizzie. I was going to tell her I love her. She didn’t even let me finish my sentence before she ran off. She didn’t kiss me goodbye.  _

 

_ It’s been seven months. She still doesn’t know she’s the love of my life.  _

 

_ - _

 

_ I didn’t think Dr. Saltzman would use my pen. But he did.  _

 

_ I really wish he hadn’t. Because now I know Josie’s going to die. _

 

_ She still doesn’t know I love her. It’s been nine months.  _

 

_ - _

 

_ I broke up with Josie today. She cried a lot. I cried more. But it’s for the best. It’s what she needs. To hate me. To take action and do something about me breaking her heart. To be selfish.  _

 

_ That’s all I want.  _

 

_ I don’t want her to love me— I want her to hate me and do something about it. I want her to be selfish and hurt me. Maybe then she has a chance. Just one chance.  _

 

_ It’s been eleven months. She still has no idea I love her. I’m pretty sure now she never will.  _

 

She shuts the journal promptly, stuffing it in a drawer of her wardrobe. 

 

So stupid. So naive. So willing to torture herself. 

 

She was so stupid to think she wanted things this way. 

 

She was homesick. She just wanted Josie. She wanted to be in the arms of the girl she loved. 

 

— — 

 

Josie had snatched the prism promptly after her therapy session. Situated back in Penelope’s room, she set it down. She closed her eyes, and when she opened them, Penelope was in front of her, dressed as Josie saw her last, sporting a soft smile that only made her want to cry. 

 

“Hey Jojo.” The projection said softly. “I guess you missed me huh?” God, even the Penelope of her subconscious was cocky. 

 

“Oh shut up.” Josie said weakly, her voice shaking. “I hate you.” 

 

Penelope nodded, taking the comment in stride just like she had down last time. 

 

“I know.” Penelope sighed, sitting on the bed next to Josie. “But I love you.” 

 

“I know.” Josie replies, her voice cracking as tears sprang to her eyes, “That’s why I hate you. Because I’m in love with you and you left me.” 

 

“I did it for a reason,” Penelope argues, “You could’ve stopped me.” 

 

“I did.” Josie points out, “You left me anyways.” 

 

“You could’ve said it back.” Penelope says, “But I knew you loved me. You’re my soulmate, Jojo. There’s no one else for me, there’s no one else for you.” 

 

Josie scoffs, “You don’t know anything. You’re a projection of my subconscious.” 

 

The Penelope on her bed shrugs in agreement. “I guess you’re right.”  _ The real Penelope wouldn’t have let me win that easily _ . “But you’re the only person who really knew who I was.” 

 

The admission takes Josie’s breath away, “You’re the love of my life, Jojo. I’ll write it in the stars if I have to.” Penelope laughs softly to herself, “Right next to the Gemini constellation.” She adds. Josie can’t help but break into a small grin. 

 

“There’s that smile.” Penelope gasps playfully. “I miss it. You should definitely call me.”

 

“What if you changed your number?” Josie’s asks, the Penelope gives her an unimpressed look. 

 

“I didn’t.” She answers. “I’m waiting for you.” 

 

Josie sighs, glancing at her phone that was to her left. She turns back to talk to the projection some more, but it’s gone. 

 

She sighs again, picking up the prism and turning it in her hand. She sets it down again and goes to the closet of clothes Penelope left behind— mostly just her uniforms. But inside is her favorite hoodie. A royal blue Salvatore Stallions hoodie. Josie slips it on smoothly, it still smells like Penelope. The scent of coconut filled her nostrils and Josie felt the ache inside her subside softly. She pulls on the drawstrings of the hood, letting it close around her face before she crawls back in to Penelope’s bed and let herself surrender to sleep with the smell of Penelope there like if she was sleeping in her arms. 

 

— —

 

“Do you want to tag along?” Penelope's roommate, Giselle, asked. Penelope shook her head softly, looking down at the book in her lap. Giselle sighs defeatedly, “suit yourself hermit.” 

 

Penelope pulls out her journal from under her pillow and grabs her pen. Opening to a fresh page, she begins writing. 

 

_ Hey Jojo,  _

 

_ Belgium is nice. The sky is almost always blue. Birds are always chirping. It’s a nice place.  _

 

_ It’s just not where I want to be.  _

 

_ I miss you.  _

 

_ I know, you probably hate me more than ever now. If I hadn’t already, I broke your heart. And if I already did, I hope you can still recover it. You probably think I’m being cocky, by knowing I hurt your heart one way or another.  But I know you love me, Jojo, I never needed to hear it. But I needed to say it. Just once, before I had left you. You had to know, so when you think I left you for nothing, you’d know I left because I loved you.  _

 

_ Leaving you, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Maybe even the most selfish I’ve ever done too. I didn’t leave for your own good, Jojo. I left for mine.  _

 

_ I’m hurting so much. I was hurting so much worse when I was watching you put yourself second all the time. You could be everything you’ve dreamed of— but you push your dreams aside for Lizzie’s. That’s no way to live. I hope you’re getting that now.  _

 

_ I’m away from the heartache of it all, but I think it’s making me hurt worse. I just want to hold you. One last time, for one last moment. I want to tell you everything you ever made me feel. I want to tell you about the life I dreamed for us. I want to tell you about the wedding I’ve planned in my head. I want to see you smile when you look at me. I want to hear you laugh at something stupid I said because you scramble my head and my words never make sense. I want to take you on that trip to Indonesia I promised you. I want to meet your mom and tell her how much I’m in love with you. I want everything with you.  _

 

_ But the realization that it might not happen, it’s more soul crushing than anything.  _

 

_ I probably shouldn’t send this to you. I might not. I’ve cried three times into the paper, I’m not sure I want you know I’m crying. Cause I’m supposed to be the strong one.  _

 

_ But I think we both know by now that I’m not.  _

 

_ That’s always been you. Promise me it’ll stay that way. Until I manage to figure something out. Until I can save you. I’m gonna exhaust every option I have, because my heart is crushed at the thought of losing you but like hell will I ever let it become a reality.  _

 

_ This letter doesn’t even make sense anymore.  _

 

_ I wish I was there with you, I guess that's the point of this whole stupid thing.  _

 

_ I love you jojo. In case you needed to be reminded of that.  _

 

_ Maybe I’ll be able to tell you again in person. One day.  _

 

Penelope’s jaw quivers when she sets down the pen. She closed the journal, placing it back in the spot under her pillow. Slipping under the covers, she turns off her room light, lets her tears stream down to her pillow as she surrenders to sleep.

 

She dreams of Josie. 

 

— — —

 

“You should still call me.” The projection Penelope says, giving Josie a knowing look. That classic Penelope Park head tilt, the soft smile she sports. If Josie didn’t know she wasn’t real, she would’ve kissed her. 

 

“I can’t.” Josie argues, “It hurts too much.” 

 

“It might make you feel better.” The projection suggests, “I know Lizzie would appreciate not having to feel  _ your _ heartbreak. She’s got enough of that going on with Hope anyways.” 

 

Josie furrows her brows, “What’s going on with her and Hope?” 

 

Penelope shrugs, making an exaggerated frown, “I don’t know. I’m not here, remember? I’m just your subconscious.” 

 

Josie sighs, sitting on her bed. “Right. You’re not here.” She gazes over at her phone. Just two taps of her screen and she would be on the phone with Penelope. 

 

She’d tell her everything. 

 

How she was sorry. About how she loved her with every fiber of her being, how she should have said it before Penelope left. 

 

Josie Saltzman doesn’t have a lot of regrets. But the ones she does, all revolve around Penelope Park. 

 

“You can do it.” The projection urges, “Nothing is stopping you, surely not me.” 

 

“Just shut up.” Josie snaps, turning back to the projection with a glare in her eyes. 

 

“Sending me away again? Even after I’m already gone? Kinda defeating your purpose.” 

 

“I don’t want  _ you _ .” Josie hisses. “I want Penelope.” 

 

The projection shrugs, “Looks like I’m the best you’re gonna get, since you’re not calling her anytime soon.” 

 

Josie huffs, annoyed. 

 

— — 

 

Penelope sneaks out as soon as her roommate leaves for the party the school was hosting. All the staff was required to be in the large dance hall, meaning other areas of the school were ghosted. Penelope quickly makes her way to the great hall of the school, envisions where she wants to go, and snaps her fingers.

 

A warm gust of wind flows by her and when she opens her eyes, she’s in her room. She thought it would be empty— at least until a new student arrived. However it’s not. Josie’s asleep under the covers, her back turned to her. Penelope’s heart melts. 

 

“Oh jojo…” She murmurs, stepping forward as quietly as her flats allowed. She takes out her journal from her bag, ripping out the pages of her letter quietly. She really should’ve come prepared. She’s going to wake josie up. 

 

Well. 

 

Maybe a little part of her wanted Josie to wake up. 

 

She folds the papers up neatly, leaving them on the nightstand. She sighs, glancing back at Josie. She didn’t want to leave. But needed to, for Josie. 

 

So Penelope stepped away, to the center of the room, envisioned herself back in the great hall of the Belgium school and as she was going to snap her fingers— a voice called out. 

 

“Don’t go.” 

 

Penelope froze, her one eye opening to see Josie sitting up in the bed. Penelope opened her eyes properly, and let her hand fall from its raised position. 

 

“You’re supposed to be asleep.” Penelope said softly. 

 

“You’re supposed to be here.” Josie shoots back. Penelope sighs in defeat. 

 

“I didn’t know you would be in my room,” She says, “I thought— I don’t know.” 

 

“Where else would I be?” Josie asked, “I ran you off. I miss you. This was as close to you as I could get.” 

 

“You didn’t run me off.” Penelope says, giving Josie a look that told her that she was smarter than that to think it true. Penelope walks forward. “Can I sit?” She asks. 

 

Josie nods, scooting over in the bed. Penelope situates herself quietly, her legs outstretched, her hands clasped on her lap. They sit in silence for a moment, minutes pass. Penelope is the one to break the silence. 

 

“I love you.” 

 

“I know.” Josie replies softly, “I love you too.” 

 

Penelope smiles gently, “I’ve always known that.” She says, “Who doesn’t love me?” she jokes. Josie stifles a small laugh, knocking her shoulder against Penelope’s. 

 

“Why did you leave?” Josie asks softly, her voice is tired. “I keep running around in circles, trying to figure out why. I know—you said… you couldn’t stay and watch me… lose but—“ 

 

“I’m weak.” Penelope answers, turning to Josie. “I’ve always been so weak for you Jojo.” She whispers, her hand coming to rest on Josie’s cheek, thumb stroking her soft skin. “I’m gonna get you out of it— the merge— you just have to trust me, okay?” 

 

“I got shot.” Josie says suddenly, Penelope’s green eyes go wide. “I thought I was going to die never having told you that I am so fucking in love with you.” 

 

“I know you are.” Penelope answers, her other hand coming to cup Josie’s face completely, “and you know that I am too. You’re my everything.” Josie let’s out a soft breath, her forehead falling to rest against Penelope’s. They close their eyes, holding the moment. 

 

“Don’t go.” Josie says suddenly, “Please.” 

 

“You know I have to.” 

 

“But I love you.” Josie begs, her voice cracking. 

 

“And I love you.” Penelope replies, looking deep into Josie’s sad doe eyes, “That’s exactly why I have to.” 

 

“Can you… just stay until I fall asleep?” She asks, accepting her defeat in the matter. Penelope nods quietly, pressing a kiss to Josie’s forehead. Josie’s hand comes and gently guides Penelope’s lips onto her own. They meet in a fragile kiss, too scared to do anything more because it’ll all be gone by morning. Penelope leans closer, her fingers tangling gently in Josie’s hair, kissing her deeper. 

 

They pull away, foreheads pressing. 

 

“You’re the love of my life.” Penelope whispers. “I’m going to marry you. One day.” 

 

“Before I’m twenty two please.” Josie says. Penelope breathes out a laugh. 

 

“When you’re twenty three.” Penelope promises. She leans forward again, kissing the shell of Josie’s ear. “I love you so much. Just remember that.” 

 

Before Josie can question her, Penelope mutters a spell. Josie falls limp against her, thrown into a deep sleep. Penelope places her down softly, tucking her in properly, placing one last kiss on her forehead. Josie wouldn’t remember what had transpired. If she did, she’d only think it was a vivid dream. Penelope knew Josie couldn’t handle the pain of her leaving for the second time. 

 

She turns to the letter. 

 

_ “Ignalusa.” _ She whispers, blowing the tiny fireball into the paper, watching it go up in quick flames before settling into a pile of ash. She sweeps the ash into the trash can nearby. 

 

She snaps her fingers. 

 

She’s back in Belgium. She fucking hates it. 

 

— — 

 

Penelope walks up the steps of the ancient library. The marble floors are a bright, pure white. 

 

Penelope’s mom doesn’t know it— but she left school a week ago. She would kill her, before Penelope could ever explain. Well, her mom can kill her after she saves Josie. 

 

Over in the far corner, a blonde woman is hunched over books. Muttering and flipping angrily through pages. Penelope smiles to herself, she gets now where Josie gets her study habits from. 

 

She takes a few tentative steps forward. The woman never looks up. 

 

“Um,” Penelope clears her throat, finally catching the woman’s attention. She narrows her eyes at the girl cautiously. 

 

“Is there something you need?” Caroline asks. 

 

“I’d like to help.” Penelope says, “I kinda need to save my future wife’s life.” 

 

Nothing more is said. Realization dawns on Caroline.  _ This is Penelope Park.  _

 

Caroline slides a book over to her. Caroline speaks, “Let’s get started.” 

**Author's Note:**

> lmk if u liked it 😌  
> talk to me on Twitter @endgamehizzie


End file.
